The mountain of patience

Day #359 -
   Well, we're still alive. At the end of our ropes, but still alive. I feel like I'm in a marathon, getting towards the end with the finish line in sight and I've been stopped by a mountain called patience. What is patience anyway?? Its hard to keep patience when you haven't seen your husband in a year.
   Yesterday was our 2 month mark. We were given a 2 month processing; that has come and gone. And I'm just SO SURPRISED! Yeah...don't you love sarcasm. Our lawyer and Lois Capps have both been fighting his fraud charge, but they all they receive our emails saying there has been no progress and to "remain patient." Easy to say for them, going home to see their spouses and kids every night.
Our lawyer said there isn't anything we can do, at this point. The USCIS website is now giving a 4 month processing time, so we have to wait for 4 months to do anything. And then we could only do a service request, which I've done before. Its a waste of time. And by the time 4 months has come, I'm sure their processing time will have changed again. That's why I, so badly, wanted to get the waiver in over the summer, when waivers were first being accepted in the US. But the lovely NVC had to lose our paperwork and then jerk us around. Dublin hasn't been too great in this process either, not filling out the paperwork correctly so we can file the waiver and charging Gary with fraud.

   I'm just done with all of this. Yesterday a friend asked if I'm just ready to throw my hands up and go back to Ireland. I feel like that everyday. I've felt like that for the past year. But we've invested so much time, not to mention a few thousand dollars, doing all of this bs. So I can't quit now.
Being separated from my husband becomes more and more difficult with each day. Luckily I'm seeing a counselor who is really helping me get this tough time. November is a really tough month for us. Nov 13 was our 2 month mark, where we were really hoping for an answer. Nov 17 will be the year mark of since we last all saw each other and were together as a family. And Nov 23 will the last day I got to see my Grandma alive. It hasn't been easy...not even close. I'm just happy that I'm seeing a counselor who is really helping me through all of this grief. Without her, I think I'd probably be in the mental hospital right about now! Would that be grounds enough to speed up our case?! I've already considered having a friend hit me with her car so I could be hospitalized, having our case sped up! Who really needs to arms anyway?

   I don't meant to complain or come across as though I'm wanting sympathy. I just want everyone to know what a struggle this process is. And now this "Immigration reform" may start allowing all illegal immigrants to become legal. I'm happy for those families but mad that our family is being punished for not staying in this country illegally and doing what we felt was right. Which was not staying in America, working under the table and living life in fear. Apparently, we should have just stayed and everything would have been OK!

   So here we sit, waiting, checking on the USCIS website just to see a little circle that never moves, reading "initial review." The funny thing is, the next circle just says "decision." So I keep imagining that circle moving to "decision" but not being able to see what the decision actually is and having to wait for that! Because the website wont list your decision. How fun!

   Other than that, school is going well for both Chloe and I. Chloe is loving her teachers and has made some new little friends. She asks more and more about her Daddy. Last night she didn't feel good and was laying in bed crying saying "I wish Daddy was here." It kills me every time. She yells "LET DADDY IN!" over and over too. Sometimes we both just cry because I think its important to show her its ok to show emotion. School is going well for me too but I wish I knew where we were going to be living so I could start looking into Masters programs. Again, living in limbo in each aspect of our lives.

   Well, its time to go now. Have to write a paper and get Chloe from school. For those of you who are reading this and going through the same struggles, I'm sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, sorry. I hope your families are reunited soon. Thanks for reading.
Candance & Chloe