The biggest loss I've suffered over the past few months is the loss of my Grandma due to breast cancer. She lived with us growing up and was like a mother to me. She was the one I went to when I needed help with anything, when I needed advice, when I needed affection. No matter how hard I tried, I could never hide anything from her. She knew me better than anyone and could tell by the tone of my voice or the look in my eye when something was wrong. She'd always say you can tell everything about a person by looking into their eyes. When I was upset she'd yell SMILE! YOU'RE ON CANDIE CAMERA! My family and close friends call me Candie. When she'd leave me voice mails she'd always say "Candie, Its grandma." And hang up. I still hear that message in my head throughout the day.
I keep thinking that time will heal the pain of not having her here with us. But it hasn't. Sometimes I think the pain just gets worse and worse. Yesterday was especially difficult and I had a really good cry when Chloe was sleeping. A good friend of mine just lost someone close to her and had told me about the services Hospice offers. I don't know why I didn't think of this, as they came over a few times to help us with my grandma when she was first released from the hospital due to 3rd degree burns from her radiation treatments.
I've come to terms with the idea of seeking professional help to deal with her loss. If you're going through a similar situation, I recommend visiting http://www.hospicenet.org/html/grief_guide.html and http://www.hospiceslo.org/preview/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=72:tips-for-coping-with-loss&catid=36:coping-handouts&Itemid=55. There are some good tips for coping with the loss of a loved one, even if it wasn't from cancer. I think it's very important to allow yourself to feel sad and lost. I was trying to hide it and ignore it, but it only made things worse. A very close friend of mine, who lost her older sister to cancer, really has been there for me through all of this and I am extremely grateful. Some people don't know how to react when someone they know loses someone. So I'm grateful to those who have been there for me.
Another loss I've been dealing with is Immigration related, imagine that! Once your first form, usually the I-130, is processed, it is then sent to the National Visa Center. Except in our case, where it never reaches the NVC or they received and simply can't find it. I had emailed them to request an expedite and was told three times, by three different people, that they didn't have our paperwork and to write back after 15 days had passed from our approval date. The problem is, its a general email address, so you can never talk to the same person twice. I replied three different times stating it had been almost 25 days since our approval. FINALLY someone responded with yet another email address to send our scanned copies of our approval notices to. I did this yesterday.
Today I, once again, enlisted the help of Lois Capps. Awhile back her San Luis Obispo office had left me a voicemail saying they could send off an expedite for us, if we'd like. I remembered this and called them up. Christina, the girl we've been working with, was so nice and gracious. I told her about the expedite and them losing our paperwork. I sent everything over to her in email and she said she'd contact the NVC for us. I'm really excited that they are going to help us. I have faith again! And until next time,
Candance & Chloe
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